Tuesday, April 28, 2009

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

For the past few months, i been asking myself this..
What the hell have i been doing....
literally i been dragging myself out of bed every morning, and drag myself to work ...

Especially since i wasnt feeling too well since last month.
I feel so ... hmmm so ..... I really dont know.

I just seems to realise all of a sudden.
I have lost my direction in Life.
I have lost the focus which im suppose to have.
I have lost all motivation and desire.

I just wake up being blur every morning, and go to bed even blurr
I no longer knows what im doing... just passing each day by each day
I hate myself in this state.. which i seriously cannot comprehend what went wrong?!
I even start to question myself.. why am i doing the same thing day in day out..

So tired... I just want to rest.
Not a short holiday.... it just I wan to really NUAR at home doing nothing for a
while.
Maybe I feel get better from my IBS, which is triggered by stress
maybe i would feel more refreshed and focus, like what Ying suggest.
Maybe i should just not work and stay at home... but what am i doing to do at home?


Or am I getting OLD... TOO OLD
that i start to forget things... at an alarming speed
Like what Wick has suggested, get a voice recorder...
but seriously.. i think i would have forgotten to make a voice recording
or lost the recorder.

Luckily my boss is kind enough, ask me to take a long leave to rest and take care
of my health.

But boss.. (Im know you are reading this)
5 days of offdays including weekend is consider LONG LEAVE meh??
I thought LONG LEAVE is minimum 2 weeks off??
hmm ..................maybe i should have get dengue fever or chicken pox
MC for 2 weeks!

I seriously need some motivation and directions in LIFE
Sometimes i just wished i can disappear for a while...

Am I the only 1 that is feeling this??? Or everyone is the same.. ? which i doubt so.

Ignore me if you dont know what im ranting about...
i seriously dont know what im ranting off...
there is just too much question marks in my brain.

Arghh..............

10 comments:

Wick said...

I think you are going thru a quarter life crisis. Yeah. There is such a thing. Goggle it. And then see if i am right.
Frankly I was like tat just last month. Only mine was not quarter life. Past tat stage already.
Plus i was sick and coughing. And very tired. And also found myself close 2 tears 4 no reason.
And then just as it appeared, it disappeared. And i also dun know wat happened. Maybe our brains are lacking some chemical imbalance?

CHAR said...

Quarter Life?? As it pass 30 years old?

I hope it not early menopause.

Its just like mood swings of depression..

Now everything also Sianz Sianz Sianz

Wick said...

Quarter life as in people between 25 to 30. Similar 2 mid life crisis and yet different.
Menopause would be another 15 to 20 years from now.

CHAR said...

but yours only happen for 1 month right? i mine started for months liao...

Wick said...

Mine for years. Months at time even. Latest last month.
Frankly if you think 2 weeks leave will get you back on track, take your leave.

CHAR said...

2 weeks... hahaha I also hope so.
just cannot lor..

Wick said...

Then 1 week la. Anyway, its not a good idea 2 quit cos you will get more depressed sitting at home with nothing 2 do. Work does distract the mind.

CHAR said...

hmm,actually feel like doing it.. then look for smething later on....... but nt a very gd time nw.

the 1 week leave is another 3wks away..

Wick said...

Now recession, every body gets depressed. Plus the heatwave scorching weather. And now got the swine flu. The future is not looking very bright 4 everyone.
Later on cannot find a suitable job, you will get even more depressed. Sometimes the darkness is a spiral. It just suck you in deeper and deeper. Only you can help yourself.

CHAR said...

yah this i agree...
boh lwee... i lagi depressed.
haiz alot of things cannot say here.
next tell tell u at mcl there